Come on over to the new place!

Effective immediately, I am now found at The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit. There you will find all the witty commentary and general mirth you came to expect here.

Retrotisement - Triumph cigarettes

I say any time you can incorporate your company's name with an advertising slogan, that's a stroke of genius. So what exactly is the "UMPH!" in Triumph cigarettes? Carbon monoxide? Formaldehyde? Whatever it is, it's AWESOME!

And let's give it up for our ciggy spokespeople, who are totally rocking the earth tones here. Tweed Jacket seems torn between the realizations that his nicotine-stained fingernails now match his pants, and the much cooler fact that he can totally flip people off with his strategically placed cigarette. Meanwhile, Pleated Skirt is poised to satisfy her craving by sinking her teeth right into Tweed Jacket's jugular, thus obtaining for herself some of that sweet, sweet Umph!

So many decisions...

I'm sure you have been coming here every day for months, wondering what happened to me. Kind of like opening the refrigerator 20 times in a night in the hopes that something new and delicious will have appeared since the last time you checked. Well I have no new ham or salad for you - just some old hot dogs.

So like thousands of other people, I descended on the Ticketmaster site last week in the hopes of scoring some tickets to see The Police. I had a brief glimpse of glory when I did manage to score two tickets for Madison Square Garden, but they were behind the stage. I can think of few bands...scratch that. I can think of no band I want to see so much I'm willing to pay $50 to site behind the stage. So I gave those tickets up, and predictably never got close again. So I will try again Monday for the Giants Stadium show, and see what happens. The idea of watching a band through binoculars isn't terribly appealing, but it's better than backstage.

If that doesn't work out, my summer concert plans will have taken a hit. I expect I will see Rush again when they tour for their new album. I doubt it will be anything groundbreaking, but every time they've toured in the last decade I always go in case it's their last.

Then there's Group B - Van Halen and Genesis. The continuing soap opera that is VH seems to have made that decision easier, as it looks like the tour might not even happen. Something about Wolfgang having to catch up on a book report or something. Nothing says ROCK AND ROLL like that!

And then there's Genesis. I, like most hardcore fans, can't help but feel let down that Peter Gabriel couldn't put aside his plans to save the world for a few months to join the group on tour. And without him, there's no Steve Hackett. So I'm left wondering if the Collins/Banks/Rutherford trio will deliver a show with some deep cuts like "Ripples" and "Dodo" or if it'll be the Invisible Touch-era garbage. But even if they do the good stuff, will it be worth the $50 or so it will cost to see it? So many decisions...

Queensrÿche concert review (9/22/06)

It’s been nearly 10 years since I’ve seen Queensrÿche in concert. That was for the group’s ill-fated tour in support of Hear in the Now Frontier. That tour was cancelled after the band’s record label (EMI) went into the crapper. A LOT has changed for the group since then, not the least of which was the departure of co-founder and guitarist Chris DeGarmo.

For 2006, Queensrÿche went back to the future and released a sequel to their 1988 magnum opus, Operation: Mindcrime, cleverly titled Operation: Mindcrime II. While not quite the classic the first one was, OM:II was good enough to rekindle my interest in the group. It was that rekindled interest that brought me to see them perform at a sold-out Nokia Theater last Friday night. The theater, I must say, is a very nice venue. I can’t comment too much on the acoustics (I was about 5 feet from the stage), but it looks very nice.

The setup for the night was simple – Queensrÿche performed OM:I in its entirety, then intermission. They came back and played all of OM:II, then did a few encores. With such a long show, it’s understandable that there was no opening act. But the problem with doing that is it can take a little more time to get into the show. At least that’s how it works for me. But what helped was the fact that the band was clearly on top of their game that night. With the exception of bassist Eddie Jackson, who had the stage presence of a mannequin, the band looked into it and interacted nicely with the crowd. Lead singer Geoff Tate may not be able to hit the glass shattering notes like he did in the '80s, but he still sounded very good and used his voice effectively.

The newest addition to the group, guitarist Mike Stone, is definitely much more rooted in the metal tradition than DeGarmo was, and he brings that sensibility to the group dynamic. But it seems that the crowd was very supportive of him, and that he has been accepted in a way that former guitarist Kelly Gray never really was. Stone mugged for the crowd and delivered some great solos, all with the mandatory “I am passing a kidney stone” facial expressions that are expected of all metal gods.

So how was the music? Damn fine. I would actually say that of the two albums, OM:I suffered more live. This was due mainly to the fact that a large club environment isn't suited to the grand sound the material needs to work most effectively. OM:II, which was a much drier and intimate-sounding record to begin with, came off really well. Adding to the effect of both were some major theatrics the group has incorporated into the show – set pieces, movie clips and on-stage actors made the whole thing feel like a much harder and cooler version of a Broadway musical.

Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the superb performance of Pamela Moore as Sister Mary. She's a great performer and vocalist, and actually helped fill out the group vocals by hitting ranges Tate no longer can. Sadly, metal god Ronnie James Dio was not present at this show to play the role of Dr. X. Instead, we were treated to a pre-recorded video with some kind of Predator-like infrared image of Dio. Weird.

The night ended with a brief encore set consisting of "Take Hold of the Flame" and "Jet City Woman," two of my all-time Rÿche favorites. All in all, it was a top-flight performance. I definitely look forward to their next album and tour, which is something I haven’t been able to say in quite some time.

COCKS!!

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves, folks.

Dear God - please let this be a joke

Joe, you poor bastard

I admit that in my day I wrote my share of sappy letters/emails to women. But sweet Lord, this guy makes my pinings look like ransom notes. I know a lot of people feel that it was wrong for the woman who received this to forward it on, thereby subjecting the lovelorn Joe to international humiliation. But for those who would follow in his footsteps, here are two cardinal rules of letter-writing that he broke. Please learn from his mistakes:

Rule #1 - Inner dialogue is meant to be just that: Inner.

Joe's letter starts off innocently enough, but the red flag goes up right away when he writes, "OK. This is where my common sense is telling me to stop? keep it simple and positive Joe."

Well, that should've been the first clue. Unless you're William Faulkner or Hunter Thompson, do NOT go all stream-of-consciousness when you write a letter (especially to someone you are trying to woo). It can only come off one way - creepy.

Rule #2 - If there is a possibility that a genuine emotion can be interpreted as something more sinister, it will be.

I doubt Joe had anything perverse in mind when he wrote, "Your smile is the freshest of my special memories. Regardless of whether we see each other again, I will use it as I do my other special memories. I will call on it when I am disheartened or low."

In an effort to keep things sophisticated, I'm not going to share the first thought that popped into my head when I read this. But it's probably the same thought that you just had. And may I say, shame on you!

At the end of the day, I think Joe will be alright. Sure, he's probably humiliated for the moment, but I'm willing to bet that he will be flooded with letters of support (along with some marriage proposals) any day now. But if he does end up with the love of his life one day, let's just hope he doesn't write his own wedding vows.